2008年2月28日星期四

苦:没有面包的爱情是否要放弃?

为了“婚后是要爱情还是要面包”和同学发生了激烈争执。我,结婚第八个年头了,一毕业在确定有面包的前提下留住了初恋,走进了围城,同学A早在我的婚礼上立下不屑与我为伍的誓言,憧憬和勾画着她的爱情童话和心中的白马王子。一晃八年过去了,不知道是少去了当年梦想的激情还是多了一份随缘的宿命感,A最终停足在一个相比她过去目标太远太远的实体上,没有身高,没有外形,没有才学,没有技能,没有房子,没有积蓄,只有一份不稳定的千元收入,一个体弱多病的老母,两个同样没有固定职业还未婚嫁的弟弟。

同学说她不要大富大贵的生活,只要一个普通人的生活,在意的不是现阶段的状况,而是期待金子总有发光的那天,可什么是普通人的生活?用爱情去降低现有的生活标准真的值得吗?恋爱的激情一旦过去,那同甘共同的誓言真的不会被柴米油盐给冲垮吗?

网恋一年,让同学放下了近十年的期盼目标,甚至因此和父母决裂,当她质问我为什么要以如此现实的态度去看待婚姻和爱情时,我以过来人的身份无奈的告诉她,生活就是这么现实的,虽然每个女人都幻想自己拥有一份一生不变的浪漫爱情承诺,可是面对她的选择,我甚至认为有幻想都不应该。

我开始数落同学婚后的苦:即使在借住的一室一厅里结婚,也需要稍加装修,也需要换掉那三十年前的家具,第一笔装修费支出从哪里来,结婚后还有一母和两个弟弟,三十平米的房间里要容纳下五至六人,婚后孕育了孩子,可以给他一个什么样的生活和教育环境,如果借贷买房,在没有一丝积蓄的前提下两人的收入完全不能支付房贷,而现在男人承诺买房就如同一张毫无意义的废纸,完全不可能实现,在我认为,这么说就是欺骗。谁都期待金子总有发光的一天,就如平民突然会中五百万大奖一样,在没有任何技能的情况下,那种希望不是太渺茫了吗?一个体弱的老母,没有任何劳保医保,赡养是儿子应尽也是不容推卸的义务,以现阶段的两人收入水平,有此承受能力吗?难道这就是一般人的生活标准吗?不得不承认,低下收入人群同样要维持自己的生活,但生活质量却必然也存在区别,很多现实的女孩用婚姻去改变自己的生活质量,虽然激进,不能完全认同,却同样没有办法接受婚后将自己推向更低的一种生活状态,爱情再美,或许终不抵现实生活的残酷,至少我自身,不会要没有面包的爱情。

恋爱中的女人永远抵制所描绘现实生活的残酷,苦口婆心的劝告同学,要么放弃没有面包的爱情,要么告诉自己时时的去平衡心态,不要在面对苦时再有责怪,不然婚姻注定与悲哀相伴。我也不得不相信,网络中也能出现坚定不移,攻不可破的爱情,好事,坏事,天知道!!
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